


light is to darkness what love is to fear

by stateofstasis



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: M/M, Nyctophobia, although it's more a fear of lights being turned off, basically word shit, btw none of this is meant to disrespect sex workers!, caring mingyu :)), if you aren't comfortable reading about abuse please dont read this!, lmao i should stop putting my work down ok thank you for reading my bullshit!!, meanieau, nothing explicit though i cant write smut for shit, wonwoo is a sex worker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-09
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-11-18 01:12:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11280633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stateofstasis/pseuds/stateofstasis
Summary: wonwoo is a prostitute and one day mingyu calls him up, only to discover something about wonwoo that extends far past the bedroom- or maybe not that far from it after all.





	1. ante meridien

**Author's Note:**

> my meanie hearT
> 
> please enjoy!!

Looking closely at the mirror, Wonwoo inspected the dark lines drawn around his eyes, which made them look even starker against his pale skin. He brought a finger up to smudge it even more- and

now he looked even more wrecked than he usually did.

Satisfied, he stepped away from the mirror and glanced over at his junior, Minghao, a slim Chinese boy who still spoke cute accented Korean. Both of them were "on duty" that night, and even though Minghao was new, he was already pretty popular- getting regulars just within a few months.

He looked back at the mirror right as his phone rang.

"Hey, Wonwoo." Familiar deep tones called his name, and Wonwoo smiled slightly to himself as he smiled. 

  
"Mingyu-ah. What's up?"

"Can you come over like, in five minutes or so?"

"Yeah." Wonwoo said, and waited a second before asking, "Are you looking for anything specific tonight?"

"No, just you. Same place as the last time." Wonwoo can almost hear his smile from the phone.

"I'll be over soon." Wonwoo knows that Mingyu isn't going to ask for anything more than himself, so no dressing up, nothing extra, and a relationship basically like sex friends but with an added bonus of being paid on the hour.

It was probably not the best business decision he'd ever made, but it was one of the most fulfilling.

He just hoped that no feelings would get thrown into the mix.

-

Wonwoo hasn't felt like this in a long time- maybe never. 

Definitely never with a client, one with beautiful tanned skin like honey and eyes like obsidian and smoke but blurred at the edges; one with a voice not as deep as his own but husky and smooth, which sounded like how rich caramel tastes; one with lean muscles and amazing proportions as if he were carved by an actual god.

As his lips brush past Mingyu's; as the taller's gentle and strong hands ghost past the sensitive skin of his neck and legs and the inside of his forearm, Wonwoo wants to keep this feeling forever. He wants to slip it -soft and reflecting light like the softest phase of a moon like all the beautiful things- into his pocket and carry it around with him forever so that he isn't ever totally lost.

But everything ends too soon, and when Mingyu hands him the wad of hundred dollar bills at the end of it, two hours worth of heated touch and soft moans, trying to control his voice because he knows the soundproofing isn't the best, it only serves to remind him of how he's practically just a fancy product, waiting for customers to come and pick him off the shelves.

-

Smoky-eyed Wonwoo pulls on his clothes after it all, tucking the money into his back pocket.

It's pretty silent between them, he speculates, and Mingyu is still lazing around, finishing his wine as he looks at Wonwoo, suddenly feeling self-conscious despite everything that happened between them tonight and the last time he met Mingyu.

"Are you heading back after this?" Mingyu asks casually as he slips on his T-shirt, and Wonwoo takes his time to chew over his answer, weighing his options.

"Yeah, back to the center for two more hours." He says carefully, and then decides to slip in a hint that Mingyu probably won't even catch:

"I'm off tomorrow, though." he says, falsely blasé, as if he always goes around telling his clients when he's off. They usually don't care, and Wonwoo isn't exactly sure why Mingyu would, either, but he hopes-

"I'm kind of caught up with stuff tomorrow."

Something deflates a little inside Wonwoo, no matter how small it may be. A tiny, heart shaped balloon going  _poof_ somewhere between his heart and his left lung.

Mingyu continues. "But if you want, I could-"

All of a sudden, Wonwoo can't see, but more terrifying than the immediate blackness is the click of multiple devices shutting down as the power is cut.

It's almost as if he can feel the lashes landing in layers across the skin of his arms and legs, like he can hear the shouts of  _you idiot, you absolute fucking failure, why can't you do anything right for once, you freak, i never should have had you, i should have left you to die-_

He can feel the cold wall against his back. He can hear someone sobbing before he realizes it's himself, curled up against the corner of a room, and he can't hear anything except the hot blood coursing inside his veins and his heart beating uncontrollably fast, even though he feels like he's not breathing-

Then, "Wonwoo?"

This voice is so jarringly unfamiliar in his twisted memories that he snaps out of it a bit. He's trembling, despite it being hotter in the room than it was before.

"Where are you? Are you okay? The power's a bit faulty on this floor-" The voice stops when it appears to have come closer; Wonwoo can sense it nearly right in front of his face, and trusting it, he blindly feels for his hand and grabs at it like a lifeline.

"Holy shit- Wonwoo, are you crying?" A warm hand reaches down and strokes Wonwoo's cheek before holding the crying man closer to himself. Wonwoo is so relieved yet scared at the same time, and he clutches tightly to the fabric of Mingyu's shirt as his tears fall uncontrollably and, by habit, clamps a hand tight to his own mouth to stop those ugly crying sounds from escaping.

They're both sitting on the floor, Mingyu's arms tight around Wonwoo as he cries into his shirt, the sounds loud and clear now, a devastating mix like an orchestra of all the sounds he'd had to suppress across five years. 

He's been able to avoid this since he left, never sleeping with the light off, never being the last to leave a room- always feeling like he'd be dragged into a dark room if his gaze lingered on it too long, like he'd been shouted at not to eight years ago.

But not now. It's been too much and too little at the same time, so he cries for all he's worth.

When he's finally stopped, Mingyu's arms are still around him, still murmuring words of comfort, and the lights are still not on.

-

"I was abused since I was seven till I was twelve." Wonwoo gulped down a breath of much-needed air as he and Mingyu sit on the bed, still engulfed in darkness, and Wonwoo is pressing close to Mingyu, whose arm is around him.

"What happened?" Mingyu says, his voice quietened and deepened and magnified all at once because of the darkness all around them. 

"I-My parents, my mom especially-" Wonwoo shudders and Mingyu's arm tightens around him. "She would throw me into a room and switch off the lights and start blindly hitting me with her belt whenever she got mad." Another breath. "Even if it wasn't my fault, she would still-"

Wonwoo can't continue until he takes more deep breaths.

"It got worse when I turned eight, because by then I had already developed my fear, and if I cried because I was scared she'd hit me even more. I couldn't even turn off the light when I slept, and when kids at my school found out, they thought it would be funny to lock me into a storeroom whose light switch was controlled from the outside, and continuously- they kept switching it off, and- and turning it back on, and when a teacher finally found me I had already passed out."

He sighs.

"I'm sorry-"

"Don't be sorry, you have nothing to be sorry for." The taller male's hand stroked Wonwoo's shaking shoulders gently. 

  
"But I-"

"It's not your fault. I'm really happy you told me about this, and I-" Mingyu's voice cracks. "-I really, really want to help you through it."

"It's impossible. I've tried." Wonwoo says, shrugging as if it didn't affect him when all he wanted to do was to be able to switch off a light without freaking out and breaking down.

 "Please," Mingyu says, and Wonwoo has never heard his voice waver before but it is now, "let me try."

He sounds so broken about it and so hopeful and so raw that Wonwoo eventually says yes.

The next half hour that passes by while the lights are repaired is filled with kisses and whispers of "You'll be alright," into the skin of Wonwoo's collarbone and of his jaw.

When the lights turn back on, both of them are asleep, and Mingyu's arm is still draped over Wonwoo.

-

When Wonwoo wakes up the next day, Mingyu is propped up on an elbow, watching him.

"Shit!" Wonwoo says groggily, "I was supposed to go back yesterday-"

"Nah, it's okay. I'll pay for the time you spent here."

Wonwoo's face heats up. "It's fine, you really don't have to, I was off duty by then anyway."

They get dressed, Wonwoo in his jeans from last night and a shirt of Mingyu's, and by then Mingyu turns to Wonwoo and says, "I know what we can do."

-

Mingyu suggests he gets Wonwoo used to just one light being shut off first. The mere suggestion of it makes Wonwoo want to stop the whole thing in its tracks but he knows that eventually he'll have to do it, whether through the hard way or the easy way, and right now, any option with Mingyu seems like the easiest way out he can get.

So he says yes, and Mingyu says they'll try it out tonight.

He doesn't dare hope for much, but the day is mellowed out by him lounging around Mingyu's apartment while Mingyu goes out to run some errands, and by the time he returns, it's already around six in the evening, and after they both enjoy a quiet dinner that Mingyu makes, they sit and wait for night to come.

All they do is hold hands and wait. 

"What if I can't do it?" Wonwoo asks, and Mingyu grips his hand tighter. 

"Don't think about that. Anywhere we get to tonight will be one step higher from where you are right now, remember?"

It occurs to Wonwoo that this is definitely not the relationship a sex worker should have with a customer, but the thought is dimmed by the sensations of Mingyu's hand closely covering his, their fingers intertwined, his absentminded tapping on Wonwoo's knuckles calming him down.

Night falls around 7 p.m, and Wonwoo sits down, wringing his hands. The plan is to leave the lamps on and switch off the main ceiling light, so that it wouldn't be totally dark, but there's still the sound of the switch to deal with.

"I'm going to turn one light off now, okay?" Mingyu warns gently, and Wonwoo nods, too anxious to respond. He realizes he's sitting curled up on the bed, as if he's a kid again.

"Here goes."

The light is switched off, and almost immediately, Wonwoo's heart rate increases, and he forces himself to not remind himself of what happened after the click of the light switch. He shuts his eyes, but it's right there at the back of his mind and he's trying so hard to suppress it.

The room is dimmer, but there's still a warm orange glow from the bedside lamp and the lamp on the desk. Mingyu quickly sits beside Wonwoo and takes hold of his hands again.

"Where are you right now, Wonwoo?" When Wonwoo doesn't respond, Mingyu gently strokes Wonwoo's hair from his forehead, and the elder jumps a little at the contact, then leans slightly into the younger's touch. 

"I'm- I'm in a room." Wonwoo' breathing hitches, and Mingyu touches his cheek lightly. "Wonwoo-ah, open your eyes. Look at me, okay?"

He does.

"Tell me, where are you?" Mingyu says softly. Wonwoo takes a deep breath.

"I'm in your room." 

"How do you feel?"

"I'm, um, a bit terrified, and a bit relieved. I'm nervous and-" Wonwoo inhales.

"Shhh, it's okay. It's good that you're feeling relieved, but you don't need to feel anything else. You're safe here, with me, and nothing can get to you, okay?" Mingyu grips Wonwoo's hands a little bit tighter, as if squeezing a little more strength into him.

"Okay. Okay." The smoky eyed man closes his eyes again and steadies his breath. 

"Listen to me, okay? You are safe. You're with me. I'm here, and I'll be here, so you don't have to worry, okay?" Wonwoo nods, his eyes still closed, his eyelids trembling ever so slightly.

"Are you feeling okay? We don't have to go through with all this tonight." Mingyu says, and Wonwoo shakes his head. "No, I- I need to get past this."

"Okay. I'll be turning off one lamp, is that alright?"

 

"Y-Yeah, sure." Wonwoo tries not to stutter. 

So Mingyu reaches over and turns off the bedside light.

-

Wonwoo feels as if his heart stops.

It's suddenly very, very dark, and even though there's still the light from the desk, Wonwoo feels one tiny step closer to dropping off the edge. 

His hands are cold no matter how tightly he grips Mingyu's hands, and the taller definitely senses something is wrong, because he hurriedly turns the bedside lamp back on.

"Wonwoo, it's okay." Mingyu says, and that's when Wonwoo realizes he has tears streaking down his face. He wipes at them desperately with his hands, but they keep on coming and he just lets them be.

"I'm sorry," he cries, as Mingyu holds him tight and tells him everything will be okay. That it's not his fault.

Wonwoo knows somewhere that it's not his fault, but something else won't stop telling him otherwise.

 


	2. post meridien

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it takes awhile, as it should, but wonwoo is gradually able to sleep with the lights off.
> 
> (some things weren't going as smoothly for minghao.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally up! hope you'll enjoy this final chapter and remember to comment if you have anything to say!!

When Wonwoo gets back, Minghao is sitting slumped in a chair where they usually rest, and his dark hair is covering his eye.

When he looks up at the elder, the hair shifts aside to reveal a jarring bruised eye, aflush with ugly purples and reds, causing his eye to swell partially shut.

"Fuck, Minghao, what happened?" Wonwoo said, setting down his jacket haphazardly on the chair opposite and rushing to check on the smaller Chinese boy.

"I pissed a client off." He said drily, wincing as Wonwoo gently applied pressure on his eye with an ice pack from the fridge. 

Condensation drips down the younger's face as the ice melts slightly against the warmth of his skin, and Wonwoo makes sure he holds it there while he busies himself looking for the phone to call someone with.

"It's no use calling anyone, no one cares." Minghao says, and Wonwoo turns around to glare at him with the worst of his slanted gaze and the younger almost physically feels a chill run down his back.

"I care, you fucktard." Wonwoo softens, seeing how the other boy winces when he shifts the ice pack to another area.

They sit in silence for awhile, Wonwoo occasionally making Minghao lift the ice pack and is relieved when he notices the swelling going down by a considerable amount.

"What exactly did you do?" The elder finally asks. Minghao moves in his chair and grimace-smiles at the memory.

"He started talking about how disappointed my parents must be. I told him to shut the fuck up. End of story." Minghao seems to remember something. "To be fair, it was after he'd paid me, so he's not exactly wrong."

"Basic human principles, Minghao; violence is not encouraged."

"Says the guy who beat up his own cousin for being rude to his mother."

"To be fair, that was when I was like 15, and I took Taekwondo back then, it doesn't count if I can barely throw a punch now." They laugh, Minghao's more subdued because, presumably, the bruise hurts like a bitch.

Wonwoo hasn't felt this care for someone in a long time. He supposes similar circumstances do bring people together.

What do they call it? Wonwoo files through the idioms in his head till he comes to the one he was thinking of.

Birds of a feather flock together.

We're some pretty fucking dumb birds, he thinks lazily, as the smaller boy drifts off to sleep on his shoulder.

-

Wonwoo is only free again after three days.

Three days of no Mingyu. 72 hours without his voice. 4320 minutes without the touch of his skin, like silk and crushed velvet against his own.

He wonders when he's started to think like a lovestruck teenager.

_I probably am one at this point._

-

"How's your phobia so far?" Mingyu says when they meet again, seven p.m in bed, under the covers after a gentle, soft,  _lovely_ hour of lips and tangled sheets.

Wonwoo suppresses a laugh, but Mingyu can see it in his eyes.

"What?"

"You sound like my psychologist." Wonwoo says, before remembering that he doesn't have one. "Hypothetically speaking."

"Is it better?"

The elder tries to recall back. Two nights ago he was with a client who turned off the room light, leaving only the two bedside lamps on, to "set the mood". He'd freaked out, but he didn't scream or anything. Coming to think of it, he'd gotten blindfolded anyway, so what was the point, really?

"Slightly." He tells the other.

"Do you want to try one less light tonight?"

Wonwoo thinks about it. 

Does he?

-

When the first two lights are turned off, Wonwoo has to bite down on his knuckles to refrain from saying anything stupid, and when Mingyu notices the bite marks on his fists, he grips the shorter man's hands tightly in his own, and whispers "It's alright" into the back of Wonwoo's hand.

Mingyu reaches over to turn off the last bedside lamp, and Wonwoo closes his eyes, jolting slightly at the soft  _click_ of the light turning off.

When he opens his eyes, Mingyu has an arm around him, and he's planting soft kisses down the delicate, pale expanse of Wonwoo's neck.

"Are you okay?" He asks, and Wonwoo closes his eyes again, nodding.

He replaces the bad memories with this one. Is it strong enough?  _Yes,_ he tells himself, taking away the pain and the screams, replacing it with the faint sound of cars outside the window seven floors below; replaces the lashes across his skin with the butterfly-wing sensation of Mingyu's gentle lips across his neck and shoulder; replaces the shouts with the whispers he tells himself; that everything is alright, and 

_it's gonna be fine_

_nothing can hurt you anymore._

He hasn't found peace like this in so long, he nearly weeps with relief.

-

He does the same when Mingyu switches off the desk lamp, two days later when they meet again, and both of them are equipped with large glow-in-the-dark sticks, Mingyu's green and Wonwoo's blue.

He holds on to the glowstick and Mingyu's hand like lifelines. His breathing is erratic but it calms down as he forces himself to focus on Mingyu's voice.

He's answering questions that Mingyu asks him.

"Where are you now?"

"I'm in- in your room." Wonwoo takes a deep breath. The memory is there but he's going to drown it, push it's ugly head under the surface until it drops dead.

"What can you hear?"

The elder slows his breathing. "Your voice."

"Good. Focus on it, okay?"

Wonwoo does.

The words  _you will be okay_ have never sounded better in anyone else's mouth.

-

(After it's over and Mingyu has switched on the lights because the glowsticks have run out, two hours later- Wonwoo realizes he's crying, because he's so, so relieved. He cannot thank Mingyu enough.)

-

Wonwoo sleeps with the lights off now, and he also sleeps next to Mingyu.

He doesn't leave his job; or rather his workplace, becoming a counsellor that the company hires to talk to the newer ones or even the long-timers with fears of their own.

He still checks up on Minghao, who's happier; his bruises are already fading. He's caught him speaking in sweet Chinese over the phone more than once and teased him a hundred times because of it.

And Wonwoo's found a much better-sounding set of words that he can hear from Mingyu's mouth.

It's gentle most times; sometimes said in the heat of the moment and sometimes it's sleepy from the just-woken-up lips of the tall boy, but the meaning is there, all the same.

Mingyu now says _"I love you.",_ and Wonwoo says it back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's it! took me awhile, and quite some research on night terrors, but i'm finally done! this story means a lot to me; i loved writing it and i hope you'll love reading it. hope you enjoyed and kudos if you can find out what im hinting at in this chapter :)


End file.
